As most of you know, I’m about 2 months into my journey of transitioning to natural hair and I have my good days and bad. I think it’s safe to assume that, anyone who has been on this journey experiences moments in the beginning where you’re just not sure. Not sure about a lot things. If you’re me, your unsureness would go something like: Am I using the right products? Will this leave in work? Did I do those twists right? Does this bantu knot look nice? Do I look crazy? Why am I doing this? Whatever the case may be, you go through it. This past weekend, I was having a particularly rough time with my twist out. I’m somewhere between the point where, I “like” my natural texture, but I still don’t really know how to handle it. I’m wishing that I could just NOT have the relaxed ends anymore because they make me frustrated. I find myself trying out styles and loving the natural curl pattern at the root and just being utterly disappointed at how my relaxed ends just don’t hold up. BUT I still can’t really grasp the idea of cutting it all off. It’s a catch 22 I tell ya.
So, I did a twist out using my method that I talked about here. It was a success! I was feeling pretty confident and loving my big hair, don’t care. The Mr. was loving it. I was feeling myself…And then I had an interesting moment with my 4 year old prince. Now in case you’re new around here, I used to be relaxed, super relaxed, like every 4 – 6 weeks touch up relaxed. Thought I was gone with the wind fabulous *insert Kenya twirl*. This is the mother my son always saw. So now 2 months in to my natural journey…my prince spoke up. We’re in the car and he says “Mommy? Are you going to get you’re hot bun back?” (that’s what he calls a bun). I say “Why? You don’t like my hair?” Prince Shawn replies in a ever so sweet way “Well…I do…but…your hair just looks a little crazy.”
Now. HOW would my son know what crazy looks like? I feel it’s safe to assume that his idea of “crazy” had to come, at least in part, from me. I felt disappointed. I had inadvertly taught my son the very thing that I was now trying to go against. Why must my natural hair look crazy? I thought I was WERKING it. And I WAS.
That brief, and probably super insignificant to him, conversation got me thinking. What am I teaching my sons about natural hair. I’m the first woman they encounter in life. What do I want them to learn? To remember? It’s definitely not that natural hair looks crazy. So while I’m still unsure on many things, what I am sure of is I’m on the right journey!
Peace, Love, & Blessings,
This Brown Queen