If you follow me on Twitter or Instagram you’ll see me talk a lot about my boys. In case you’re new around here, I have three ages 9, 6, & 2. Up until this year when our oldest entered 4th grade, we’ve been pretty much smooth sailing. Our boys are good kids. They do kid things and get good grades. But 4th grade has been like…a whole new world. And that’s not to say things are bad, but more so I’m definitely noticing a change when it comes to parenting our oldest. So when I heard about Oprah’s Lifeclass on OWN with Dr. Shefali Sunday about Conscious Parenting I definitely wanted to tune in and figure out what is going on inside the head of kids…specifically this almost 10 year old fourth grade son of mines. Continue reading
And my obsession continues. I really am just totally in love with Shea Moisture. Not just because my hair loves their raw shea butter deep treatment masque, or that my skin thrives off their Coconut & Hibiscus face and body bar, even though these are MAJOR…but I’m a sucker for branding and Shea Moisture has really done an amazing job hands down. So when they started releasing products that I could buy for the whole family, well you KNOW I was all for it!
Every blended family is different. Unique. What works for your blended family might not necessarily work for the next, or vice versa. And that’s okay. I do believe there is one common factor amongst us all though. And that’s that the majority of us (or those that would even be reading this) want the same goal: To all just get along and co-parent effectively. Some families can do this off the bat. Others take time. And others never get there. Everyone likes to read and write about the situations with the happy endings. The rainbow and unicorn families. But what about the other side? What happens when we all just can’t get along?
Let’s face it. Sometimes you may find yourself in situations where you just can’t get there with another person. Not just in blended families but in life there are people who are “difficult” for you to deal with. I’m no expert in this field but I most definitely experienced my fair share of co-parenting with a difficult ex. I hope this post helps you find ways to cope when you find yourself in a situation where you’re dealing with a difficult co-parent.
1. You have no control over another person. Make peace with this statement. Make absolute and clear peace with it. No matter how hard you hope, wish, pray a person to change if that is not in their spirit they wont. Understand that and it’ll make everything else just a little easier.
2. Change how you react. In my past I’ve learned that many times things escalated due to my own reactions. I soon learned that I don’t always have to have such a dramatic reaction or a reaction at all. Take things in stride. When the other person comes at you with nothing but accusations, finger pointing and negativity, you do NOT have to take active participation in the confrontation. Choose how you want to respond. Instead of being hype and defensive try cool and collected.
3. Don’t lose track of what’s important. In these situations the children are what matter most. Sure you can’t stand that your ex doesn’t call everyday. Or yes it gets on your nerves that the kids show up late each drop off. Choose your battles. If it’s not worth the fight, and the kids are happy, then the mission was accomplished.
4. It’s not your fault. I say this moreso for my personal life. Sometimes I get so frustrated at my circumstances that I start to blame myself. Afterall, the first thing I pointed out here was that you can’t control another person. Someone has to be at fault so that someone ends up being me. Feelings of guilt that I failed my son have burdened me far too often. Don’t do that. Do your best and keep it moving.
5. Count your blessings, not your problems. I wanted to scream this from the rooftops on Father’s Day but I held back. I seen so much negativity that it was easy to get caught up in it. To dwell on what’s not right in your life or family. That gets you nowhere. If you focus on negativity, that it what you will receive. Instead I focus on the positives and what I do have. THAT’S what important.
I hope this helps someone dealing with a tough co-parent. Like I said…I ain’t no expert! But, I live this so I’ll gladly share my experiences if someone else can gain from it.
Peace, Love & Blessings
Founder & Editor of This Brown Queen
This weeks meal plan and preparation. I’m hungry! Enjoy!
Sunday Meal Preparation:
1/2 bag frozen chicken wings
1 bag frozen turkey meatballs
1 lbs boneless chicken breast
1 lb lean ground beef
1 lb tilapia
I cook ALL these meats on Sunday. Simultaneously. Yup. At the same d@m time! Also on Sunday I slice and divide my fruits and veggies for my smoothies for the week. I package in ziplocks for each day to make for easy grab, blend, and go in the morning!
Dinners & Snacks:
Sunday – Meatball Sandwiches with Salad Snack – yogurt smoothies
Monday – Tilapia, brown rice, broccoli/carrots/cauliflower steamed with cheese Snack – fruit juicers
Tuesday – BBQ Chicken, cheddar broccoli pasta, corn on the cob Snack – grapes
Wednesday – Chicken Penne with spaghetti sauce, salad Snack – uncrustables
Thursday – Chicken Lo Mein with asparagus stir fry Snack – Goldfish
Friday – *Kids Choice* Make Your Own Beef Tacos (whole wheat tortillas) Snack – frozen bananas with whip cream
For Breakfast for me (the kids eat at school), I’m starting off slow. Making smoothies all week with my pre-cut and packaged fruit and veggies from Sunday. Mixing a little of this and that to find combos I enjoy. I’ll post those when I find them out!
This Brown Queen